Uh-Oh-Spaghetti-O's

One grey Saturday of January, you may decide to go and see Greenwich to satisfy your passion for tall ships, great navigators and big galaxies. But to do so, you'll have to take two tubes and the DLR because once again you didn't bloody check the TFL website and their confusing works map.
Off you go.

And before you'll even realise it, you'll be trapped in a world where time doesn't matter anymore. 'I can't  believe we have to go through the Mall of Canary Warf to get to the DLR, this is evil, isn't it?'  'Wait a minute, did you say Mall?'  'Not only did I say Mall but I also red Mall in bright letters on the sign over there. Mall, Mall, Mall!'

'But Mall isn't an english word. This sign should say Shopping Centre. Bloody Americans, they can't even talk english properly.'  'Well, well. This shopping centre is called "Canadian Square Mall".  Hmm. Another proof of the American (or Canadian maybe) supremacy, I guess. I have to say, they developed quite a savoir-faire in building Malls, didn't they?

Uh-Oh-Spaghetti-O's. At that particular instant, my advice would be to stop useless provocation if you want to stay on good terms with the Queen's subjects. American words are banned from english waters. England is not America.

Have you noticed how English people, in a subtle but firm way, tell you off if you use american words? 'Oh, hang on, I have to take my bag out of the trunk before we go back to the house'. 'The Boot. Sure, let's go and grab your bag from The Boot. Trunk is the word for Elephants big long nose, ahaha silly Americans'.

So if you want to feel a bit English at heart... Don't say Garbage, say Rubbish. Don't take the Elevator to reach the 4th Storey but take the Lift to go on the 2nd Floor. Do not ever say Faucet because nobody will understand that you are actually talking about the Tap. Don't ask for the Restroom if you need the Toilets, unless you want to take a nap. Even the innocent alphabet song for Kids, er... Children, can be tricky. If you dare to pronounce the 26th letter "Zee" instead of "Zed"... they might simply walk you back to the border.

Funny thing. Back to Greenwich Park, at the top of the hill, you can see a statue of James Wolf. The little guy who defeated the French army in Canada. If England hadn't fought so eagerly for that country, we wouldn't be talking about a Canadian Square Mall in London, would we?